At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.