Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (909)

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  (909): View more from California

  I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine

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  (909): I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine http://tfl.nu/d6oy
  Replies (10) Good night (4578) Bad night (1966) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.

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  (909): I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment. http://tfl.nu/mic1
  Replies (1) Good night (1022) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.

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  (909): Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/zdw2
  Replies (7) Good night (361) Bad night (1805) Order T-Shirt
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  The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.

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  Whaaaaaat? No way.

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  Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.

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  (206): The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag. (909): Whaaaaaat? No way. (206): Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier. http://tfl.nu/t9qj
  Replies (16) Good night (472) Bad night (1802)
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  (909): View more from California

  flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart

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  (909): flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart http://tfl.nu/bteu
  Replies (17) Good night (4888) Bad night (1793) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.

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  (909): It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer. http://tfl.nu/6a0i
  Replies (5) Good night (380) Bad night (1721) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity

  (909): View more from California

  Something's gotta give!

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  (909): It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity (909): Something's gotta give! http://tfl.nu/w8ji
  Replies (23) Good night (532) Bad night (1482)
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  My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.

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  (909): My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up. http://tfl.nu/4jl3
  Replies (5) Good night (2427) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
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  Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.

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  (909): Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know. http://tfl.nu/19n8
  Replies (20) Good night (828) Bad night (1342) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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  (909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h
  Replies (7) Good night (318) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.

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  (909): I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit. http://tfl.nu/gsje
  Replies (5) Good night (427) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.

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  (909): and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore. http://tfl.nu/590e
  Replies (23) Good night (6002) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
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  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8545) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...

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  (909): Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups... http://tfl.nu/mcei
  Replies (5) Good night (2902) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

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  (909): Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person? http://tfl.nu/yet0
  Replies (8) Good night (3836) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt