he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
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its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.