her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.