her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
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Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.