We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"