I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina