You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.