Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (732)

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.

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  (732): Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD. http://tfl.nu/fbqj
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  You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.

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  (732): You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up. http://tfl.nu/jzsw
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  i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away

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  (732): i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away http://tfl.nu/d57a
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  I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.

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  (732): I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life. http://tfl.nu/df5q
  Replies (11) Good night (713) Bad night (2795)
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  Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(

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  (732): Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :( http://tfl.nu/fasb
  Replies (8) Good night (805) Bad night (2770) Order T-Shirt
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  You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked

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  (732): You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked http://tfl.nu/rb79
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  Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog

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  (732): Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog http://tfl.nu/ui9n
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  Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.

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  (732): Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore. http://tfl.nu/0dve
  Replies (25) Good night (1185) Bad night (2725) Order T-Shirt
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  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

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  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
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  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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  (732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o
  Replies (12) Good night (333) Bad night (2656)
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  people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.

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  (732): people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself. http://tfl.nu/7r6x
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  shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying

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  (732): shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying http://tfl.nu/8jyo
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  He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

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  (732): He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it. http://tfl.nu/hjdx
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  It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.

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  (732): It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes. http://tfl.nu/jz1i
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  Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

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  (732): Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar http://tfl.nu/9kou
  Replies (39) Good night (6083) Bad night (2523) Order T-Shirt