Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (732)

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college

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  (732): been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college http://tfl.nu/n77e
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  I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.

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  (732): I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes. http://tfl.nu/xdyw
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  I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.

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  (732): I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa. http://tfl.nu/0g11
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  im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.

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  (732): im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad. http://tfl.nu/jkuj
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  I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.

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  (732): I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv. http://tfl.nu/27sr
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  my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.

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  (732): my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink. http://tfl.nu/ojx1
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  This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.

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  (732): This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together. http://tfl.nu/028o
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  I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.

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  (732): I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college. http://tfl.nu/q6b4
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  its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9

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  (732): its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9 http://tfl.nu/78ka
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  I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

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  (732): I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it. http://tfl.nu/eqvw
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  I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.

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  (732): I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/b4iy
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  I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012

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  (732): I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012 http://tfl.nu/8oo2
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  i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed

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  (732): i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed http://tfl.nu/l1mh
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  her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.

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  (732): her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms. http://tfl.nu/9vdx
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  i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt

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  ..im mad u rememberd about that

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  (732): i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt (1-732): ..im mad u rememberd about that http://tfl.nu/q0le
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