So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader