Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!