There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
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Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
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Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship