It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.