Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.