I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
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No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...