oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.