Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO