Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??