Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date