I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
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He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.