There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.