On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
