Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Kentucky (502)

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

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  (502): Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat. http://tfl.nu/hdie
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  If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.

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  (502): If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was. http://tfl.nu/20o3
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  if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.

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  (502): if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords. http://tfl.nu/tyuw
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  update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.

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  (502): update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive. http://tfl.nu/e1l9
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  Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?

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  (502): Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels? http://tfl.nu/vpae
  Replies (12) Good night (959) Bad night (3641) Order T-Shirt
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  so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done

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  (502): so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done http://tfl.nu/tthp
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  Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.

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  (502): Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there. http://tfl.nu/zqp7
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  just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life

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  (502): just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life http://tfl.nu/8goj
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  I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.

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  (502): I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me. http://tfl.nu/3nq2
  Replies (6) Good night (694) Bad night (3382) Order T-Shirt
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  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

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  (502): I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore http://tfl.nu/n25p
  Replies (35) Good night (6194) Bad night (987)
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  one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

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  (502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj
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  I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.

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  (502): I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap. http://tfl.nu/9a2a
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  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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  (502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9
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  if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

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  (502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50
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  battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.

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  (502): battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever. http://tfl.nu/blg1
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