I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you