Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"