Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.