Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.