So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB