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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Green mimosas i think yes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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