Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"