Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.