I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.