I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...