Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.