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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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