Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...