Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.