woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?