I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.