I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.