Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world