Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.