Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  (310): View more from California

  we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.

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  (310): we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic. http://tfl.nu/v0qg
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  and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.

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  (310): and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night. http://tfl.nu/rugs
  Replies (33) Good night (465) Bad night (2886)
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  I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.

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  (310): I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips. http://tfl.nu/o6k6
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  I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work

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  (310 ): I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work http://tfl.nu/s1zl
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  I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.

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  (310): I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets. http://tfl.nu/76ec
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  My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.

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  (310): My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in. http://tfl.nu/bth8
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  are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions

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  i wish

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  (323): are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions (310): i wish http://tfl.nu/mg2v
  Replies (6) Good night (700) Bad night (2690)
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  Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?

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  (310): Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic? http://tfl.nu/rudq
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  Booty call?

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  Dude you don't even follow my twitter

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  (323): Booty call? (310): Dude you don't even follow my twitter http://tfl.nu/5q8u
  Replies (15) Good night (583) Bad night (2565)
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  If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

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  (310): If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth. http://tfl.nu/s1or
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  omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter

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  Whats your twitter name

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  (917): omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter (310): Whats your twitter name http://tfl.nu/jdyv
  Replies (8) Good night (570) Bad night (2440)
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  what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?

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  (310): what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car? http://tfl.nu/714f
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  I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.

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  (310): I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless. http://tfl.nu/yhaf
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  I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

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  (310): I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers" http://tfl.nu/rpqk
  Replies (11) Good night (618) Bad night (2277)
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  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
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