Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.