like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes