I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home