Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?