We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.