You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.