I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.