I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.