when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now