We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.