all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"