you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??