About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.