About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.