just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we're blogging at a bar
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.