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It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't make out with my wife yet
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