Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.