all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
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I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?