There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.