I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me