Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian