How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.