With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.