me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit