I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL