I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow