I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
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when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
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I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.