i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.