its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed