so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
