its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.