She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all