Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
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Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.