dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.