I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router