I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order