Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...