If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.