3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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